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Why are many unhappy couples still together?
The experience of marriage and living a relationship should be something beneficial, enriching and satisfying for both members of her. However, there are many cases in which the dynamics of the couple is very different, and still resist breaking the bond.
While it is true that there are many reasons why people feel dissatisfied or unhappy in their relationship, there are many other reasons why they prefer to continue. However, couple psychology still struggles to clarify why some unhappy couples are capable of breaking, while others are not.
Related article: "How to know when to go to couples therapy? 5 reasons of weight"
The Interdependence Theory
One of the most accepted theories that tries to explain this phenomenon is the Theory of Interdependence. Spoken by psychologists Harold Kelley and John Thibault, this assumption states that each of the members of the couple assesses personal satisfaction with their marriage or bond, in relation to the costs and benefits of such relationship.
That is, if our partner demands a lot of time and resources, but it compensates us because it covers our needs or, on the contrary, it contributes little to us but also demands little, it is very possible that we maintain the relationship.
The key to this theory is that while the perceived costs are not greater than the benefits, there are many possibilities for the couple to stay together. Otherwise it is very likely that one of the two ends up cutting the relationship.
Thus, according to the Interdependence Theory, this balance is the basis of the commitment. To be more specific, according to Kelley and Thibaut, despite dissatisfaction in the couple, the people who make it up will feel more engaged for these reasons:
The amount of time invested in the relationship. Taking a long time in a relationship gives it a meaning, people perceive that it has built something that is a great anguish to break.
The members of the couple are not able to find better alternatives to their current relationship.
Current studies
Although the conclusions of Kellet and Thibault's studies on the Theory of Interdependence may well apply to the present, it is true that they are approximately fifty years old, and that ** couple dynamics change at just as society changes **.
It is obvious to think that the level of satisfaction that a person possesses in their relationship depends largely on what this relationship brings. That is, of the benefits. However, recent research points to the role of individual standards or, put another way, of the idea or conception that each person has about what a relationship should be. According to these studies, it is quite possible that a couple who is in a dysfunctional relationship maintains this link simply because their standards for the couple's relationships are low.
The cases in which people are really dissatisfied with their relationship but maintain their commitment, are hardly explainable by the Theory of Interdependence. However, studies conducted by psychologist Levi Baker, at the University of North Carolina, provide other insights that can help us understand why many unhappy couples remain united.
You may be interested: "How to avoid partner conflicts?"
The results
According to the results obtained by Baker and his collaborators, the commitment to the relationship is not based so much on the level of current satisfaction as on the level of satisfaction expected in the future of the relationship. That is, people maintain their relationship because they believe that the quality of it will improve over time or that problems will end up happening.
Therefore, when making a prediction about whether a couple who does not feel happy together will maintain their relationship or not, the expectation of future satisfaction will be a better predictor than the current satisfaction in the couple.
Although there are surely many more factors, the hypothesis that the expectations of happiness maintain an unsatisfactory relationship are not entirely unreasonable, since after all it is a long-term relationship and it is logical to think that the good will exceed The bad in the long term.
After analyzing the data obtained, Baker discovered that unsatisfactory couple relationships followed two trends. On the one hand, one of the components of the couple left the relationship when he had expectations that the situation could not improve and, in addition, he thought he could find better alternatives outside of it. On the contrary, people remained in the relationship when they hoped that it would improve and, in addition, they thought they could not find anything better.
Related article: "The power struggle in relationships"
The influence of personal and social factors
Although the studies show clear trends, as we mentioned at the beginning of the article, there are a wide variety of factors that influence when making the decision to break a relationship in which we are not happy.
Personal factors such as beliefs about the importance of marriage and personal relationships play a fundamental role. For some people, singleness is an unacceptable condition, much worse than living in a relationship in which there is no longer love.
The importance that society has given to marriage or life as a couple as an ideal state exerts a powerful influence on people, some of whom desperately seek a partner with whom to share their lives regardless of whether it makes them happy or not.
In other cases, the factor that keeps couples together is the existence of children. Developing couple dynamics in which each of the components maintains parallel lives but keeping the same home, staying together for the supposed good of the children. Because, in his belief, the division of the home is much worse for the children than the current situation.
Another different issue is those that involve religious attitudes and beliefs about divorce. Those with a strong relationship with their religion may refuse to face a divorce both for their own conviction and for fear of being rejected in their religious community.
Whatever the reason for the dissatisfaction, once people are aware of the status of their partner they go on to evaluate their perspectives or future options. If this person perceives that he has opportunities to find something better, he is very likely to break the relationship, looking for a new beginning.
Given this, it is easy to understand why those couples of younger ages perceive separation or divorce as something much more plausible than those couples of older ages.
In cases where they are unable to imagine a better alternative to the current condition of the couple, it is very possible that they maintain it; finding ways to calm the conflicts and considering each other as life partners.

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